better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
