Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
