Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
