kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
