I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
