she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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