Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
