Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
