Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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