Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
