At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
