It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
