hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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