Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
time to smoke my breakfast
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
