dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
