You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
