Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
