Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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