So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Green mimosas i think yes
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
