I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
