wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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