dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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