When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
