i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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