Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
