My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
