Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
