WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
