actually, I'm a sock model
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
