Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
