i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
