She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
