Ambien. No doubt about it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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