fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
