Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
