I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
