A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
