Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i think my cat just said my name.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
