why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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