I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
