I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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