Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
