Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
