You're completely useless in the revolution.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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