is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
