That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
