why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
