I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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