the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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