the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
